Too Much Ego
by ravenwings52
Summary: The sequel to When Egos Collide. Skulduggery has convinced a reluctant Valkyrie to come with him, a self-proclaimed "consulting detective", and her ex-boyfriend. Where? Of course, no less than a search to find the Doctor and his companion Rose Tyler. There are spoilers for all three series, though not overly major. And yes, this is a Doctor Who crossover as well. T for swearing.
1. Chapter 1

This is a sequel to my Skulduggery Pleasant/Sherlock crossover story_ When Egos Collide. _If you haven't read that yet, go check it out on my profile. It'll be a bit hard (translation: too hard) to understand this without reading that first. Go on; I'll wait. (And if you're too lazy to go look, don't worry. I totally relate. But you've been warned.)

**A note to anyone who's read ****_When Egos Collide_**** (please read 'cause I'm note going to cover this in the story. Author's Notes mid-sentence are something I try to avoid.)**: I know that in my last chapter I said that John gets married, but pretend that it never happened. Let's also pretend that this is set a couple months after WEC, though everything else still happened, (I won't say what in case I spoil even more for any new readers), Valkyrie's parents know about magic, you've all watched Doctor Who, (I don't expect you to go watch the first two seasons, though if you had, it'll help. All lot. If not, you can just read a general summary of the first two seasons if needed.) and that Rose Tyler is in her late twenties though she's still traveling with the Doctor. Oh yeah, and one last thing: Rose Tyler is still with the Doctor. No tear jerking farewell at the end of Season 2 (Whovians, you know what I mean.) I like Rose too much for that.

Anyways, that's it. Anybody who's made it through the longest AN I've ever written, kudos to you. Now here's the story!

-ravenwings52

* * *

"Valkyrie! I'm going!"

Valkyrie mumbled something, and rolled over.

"'Kay..."

Suddenly, she sat up abruptly. Grabbing her jeans, she started to pull a t-shirt on while talking.

"Wait, what? You can't leave without me!"

"Yes, I can!" Skulduggery yelled from downstairs.

She slipped on her jacket while shoving her feet into her boots, and clumped down the stairs.

"Jerk!"

Valkyrie ran outside, just as Skulduggery was pulling out of the driveway. She ran towards the car, and pulled the door open before he could leave. She buckled her seatbelt, then slapped him across his stupid cheekbones.

"What the hell, Skul! You can't just leave me at home while you go off willy-nilly to god knows where!"

Skulduggery was frustratingly calm.

"You know, slapping me probably hurt you more than I did. And I did tell you where I was going."

Valkyrie glared at him. Her hand did kind of sting; it was his fault that he had a skull. She corrected herself. Everybody had a skull, really, except his head was a skull... Wait, that wasn't right either. She shook her head. That wasn't the point.

"When did you tell me that?!"

Skulduggery had the decency to look a tiny bit sheepish.

"At two in the morning?" He offered.

Valkyrie resisted the urge to scream in frustration.

"You know I was asleep!"

He muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, "maybe that's why I told you then."

She sighed. This wasn't the worst he had done.

"Fine. But you're taking me to Starbucks."

She snatched his hat, and put it on.

"Why would I do that?"

"Because I had to rush, and didn't get to eat breakfast. So you're going to take me to Starbucks to make up for it." She thought for a second, then added, "If you don't, I'm staying over at Gordon's for a week. My parents won't mind if I visit. Just because they know about magic now, doesn't mean they approve of my living arrangements.

"It's not like I wanted you to move in," Skulduggery sniffed, but he bought her a coffee frappuccino anyways.

* * *

An hour later, they stopped at a small cafe. Only then did Valkyrie realize that she had no idea why they (she) was there.

"Um... Who are you meeting?"

Skulduggery gave her a purposely vague answer while tapping the tattoo on his shoulder.

"An... Acquaintance. You know him, too."

Valkyrie narrowed her eyes. She had finished her frappuccino a long time ago, and her initial irritation had returned.

"Skulduggery," she growled.

The skeleton offered his arm. Valkyrie ignored it.

"Oh, look. We're inside, now. Let's go find our mutual acquaintance, shall we?"

Valkyrie would've said something, but she recognized the cafe. It was the same place where she had met up with Sherlock a couple months ago.

Skulduggery seemed to have found their "mutual acquaintance", and speak of the devil: it was the infamous detective himself.

"Sherlock? This is who you're meeting up with? I thought you hated him!"

"This is why I was going alone..."

"You aren't going to work with him, are you?! Do you not remember last time?!"

"But it sounded interesting..."

Sherlock coughed slightly. Valkyrie rolled her eyes, and left the matter alone, sitting next to Skulduggery.

"You've decided?"

Skulduggery nodded.

"But Valkyrie will be joining me."

Valkyrie kicked the skeleton. The facade didn't do much to mask pain, and he flinched slightly. She looked at him.

What're you talking about? I never said I'd join you on a search for some myth! I'm not babysitting you two again!

Skulduggery studiously avoided meeting her gaze.

"Of course," Sherlock replied, "John will be there as well."

This time, Skulduggery had a harder time masking a grunt when Valkyrie kicked him. She tried to convey her emotions through her eyes.

Skulduggery! You are so dead when we get back!

Skulduggery frantically tried to reply, blue eyes wide.

What? It's just us, your ex-boyfriend, and the most egotistical detective I have ever met!

That was it. Valkyrie dragged him out of the cafe by his arm, but not before telling the only consulting detective in the world that, "This idiot will not, and I repeat, will not, be joining you on your quest to find this so-called Doctor."

* * *

"Valkyrie-"

Valkyrie slumped even lower in her seat.

"Nope. I'm not going."

Skulduggery tilted his head pleadingly, slightly sticking his bottom lip out. Damn the skeleton's need to have an attractive facade, even if it was his old face.

She said no again, but both of them knew that her self-resolve was weakening.

Skulduggery sighed.

"I'll let you drive the Bentley."

Valkyrie perked up, until Skulduggery amended his statement.

"But only once."

Valkyrie shook her head.

"From here until we find this Doctor of yours."

Skulduggery caved, and his shoulders slumped in defeat.

"Fine."

Valkyrie didn't shout or rub her victory in his face, though. She had a deal to exploit.

"Pull over," she commanded.

Skulduggery furrowed his eyebrows.

"Wait, what?"

"You heard me. Pull over. I can drive the car from here 'til we find mystery man, yeah? And technically, that starts now."

Skulduggery began to protest, saying that they weren't really searching yet, but Valkyrie just raised an eyebrow.

He pulled over, and they switched seats.

Valkyrie couldn't help it. Pushing her foot down hard on the gas pedal, she yelled,

"Seatbelt!"


	2. Chapter 2

John was in the middle of his first date with Mary when his phone rang. He mouthed an apologetic, 'sorry' to the attractive blonde, then carefully edged his way out of the crowded restaurant.

"What is it, Sherlock?" John snapped. He was a bit irritable, considering the fact that it had taken him three weeks to get Mary to go out with him, and any reason that Sherlock had to call him would inevitably spoil his plans for the night.

"Are you up to a short trip?"

John glared at the phone, as if the detective could feel his wrath through the phone. Through gritted teeth, he attempted to convey his frustration towards the detective.

"Sherlock, I'm in the middle of a date here, and I told you already that I couldn't care less about going on a trip with two egos and my ex-girlfriend."

Silence.

"I swear, if you're up to something again, I will personally confiscate any frozen body parts lying around in our fridge-"

"Think up a better threat next time, won't you? I've already entrusted the kidneys to Molly for safekeeping, as I won't be returning to the flat for quite a while."

John spun around, almost tripping over his own feet.

"What the hell?! What are you doing here?"

Sherlock sniffed over his scarf, standing near the entrance to the restaurant. Skulduggery Pleasant and... the other detective rounded the corner.

"We're coming to get you," Skulduggery said cheerfully. His face was different again. This one had messy black hair and sharp blue eyes. His cheekbones were sharp, as usual, and this time he had a very pale complexion. John didn't think that he'd ever get used to the skeleton's facades.

_She_ didn't say anything. _She_ just stood there with her arms crossed, standing a tiny bit closer to her partner than usual.

"I told you that I'm on a date, Sherlock! I am not leaving until it's over. Now, can you stop interfering with my social life please?!"

He turned to go back inside, but Mary brushed past him.

"You didn't come back for a while. This date's over. Oh, and don't forget to pay the bill."

Before John could say a word, Mary swept over to _her._

"And who are you?" Mary asked with a fake smile.

_She_ answered back with a sickeningly polite voice.

"Oh, just another one of that bastard's ex-girlfriends. I'm sure that you'll be joining the club before very long."

Mary's lips tightened, then she slapped _her_ and left.

John noticed that Mary tripped and fell into a large puddle in the middle of the street. The slim woman limped away, wiping mud off of her skirt when there hadn't been any rain. _She_ smirked.

John threw up his hands in exasperation, facing Sherlock.

"Well! Now that you've successfully ruined any chances I had with her, why don't you tell me what the hell these jerks are doing here!"

Sherlock started walking.

"We are going to find the Doctor."

* * *

They took Skulduggery's car. John sat in the back with Sherlock. He was fine with that. It meant that he didn't have to talk to _her_.

On the other hand, he was still mad at Sherlock. John wasn't sure whether he was glad or not that the detective didn't try to talk to him; if he knew any better, Sherlock would be absorbed in his self-imposed 'case' for quite a while.

The car ride was tense. _She_ was driving, quite recklessly too, but nobody said a word. John wasn't about to talk to Sherlock or Skulduggery, and he definitely wasn't going to strike up a conversation with _her_. Sherlock wasn't going to say anything for the whole car ride. Skulduggery appeared to be sleeping, if skeletons could sleep. And _she_ looked as unhappy as him about the whole situation.

After a while of watching the street lights pass by and getting used to the sharp turns that _she_ made while driving, John finally fell asleep. He had strange dreams, ones that he wouldn't quite remember when he woke up. There was a man, and a girl, and a warm golden light inside of a blue box. The girl would smile, and take the man's hand, and whether they were running away or towards something he wasn't quite sure. But he did know that they didn't care either way.

He woke up when Sherlock pushed his head off of his shoulder. Sherlock did 'the look', the one that made John feel really small and clueless for a second.

"Refrain from using my shoulder as a cushion."

John was about to retort, except Sherlock was back to thinking about the stupid case. He would've tried to go back to sleep, except the car came to a screeching stop and they all got out of the car.

"Where are we?" John asked.

_She_ rolled her eyes.

"Didn't you hear Mr. Ego over there?" She said, pointing to Sherlock. "We're at a conspiracy theorist's house. I think his name is Clive Finch...?"

John gritted his teeth. He didn't need _her_ to tell him that.

Skulduggery walked up to the house and rang the doorbell. A wide man opened the door.

"Ah, Mr. Pleasant! Come right this way."

Their small group shuffled into the house and to the back, where there was a shed (John couldn't think of any other word for it, really.) Clive pulled a key out of his pocket and unlocked the door.

Inside was the habitat of an obsessor. The walls were plastered with pictures, and John couldn't see what the original wall looked like. There were dozens of notebooks stacked haphazardly all over the place, and more pictures graced the floors. It was spectacularly dusty, as well. John's first thought was to get out of there. The detectives didn't seem as inclined.

Sherlock and Skulduggery carefully observed the photographs. Even _she_ seemed to find something interesting. John couldn't care less. He was more preoccupied wondering where Mary was.

"It's the same man," Sherlock said abruptly. "The same man in different periods of time."

Skulduggery nodded.

"Not just that, but he seems to be appearing whenever there's been a crisis in the time period. Anything you'd like to add, Valkyrie?"

_She_ tilted her head for a second, staring intently.

"There was something to do with magic surrounding each crisis, wasn't there? Gordon told me a little about this."

Skulduggery smiled, his blue eyes glinting proudly for a short second.

"You're right. Now, let's go."

The three swept out of the tiny shed, leaving John and a very stunned man alone together. John sighed.

"Sorry about that."

Clive just stared.

John took a deep breath, and followed the three insufferable idiots to the car.


End file.
